flapjacks

Flapjacks are full of oats and oats are full of great things. What else are oats good for? Porridge. Konjee. Haggis. All these can provide you with oats and oats are brilliant for keeping you full, and counteracting cholesterol.

Oh, oatcakes, you can make oatcakes. Personally I'd rather eat kitchen towels, a more convenient way to remove moisture from my mouth. I suppose you could use oats to make textured pictures as part of a collage, if you run out of sand and pasta, or indeed together with sand and pasta - although I suspect you would need gallons of glue.

You can use oats as a coating too, instead of breadcrumbs.

Aren't they used as a facial scrub sometimes (with water)?

I've no idea why they get horses/ponies etc frisky, but apparently they do. I've tried it and it didn't work for me. But don't let that stop you.

Anyway, for reasons that would take too long to explain, I've got an awful lot of oats in the cupboard. And it isn't because I've been trying to pep up my love life, or that my pony has died. Now, I hate porridge but my family doesn't, sadly the oats I have in plenty are the jumbo variety, and I'm told they don't make good porridge or rather when used in porridge the slime factor isn't uniform enough or something. I'm not eating it, can't say. So what to do? Flapjacks is the only answer.

I use a roasting tin, lined with baking parchment. It measures 8x12" (20x30cm). So, adjust the quantities according to the size of your tin. Or use a tin the same size as mine.

What is baking parchment? It's greaseproof paper's baby brother, probably the result of space technology, like teflon. It is non-stick. If you haven't got any, grease the tin very well, or use the old stalwart, greaseproof paper, which you should also grease. What's the point of that? It makes the tin easier to clean, and helps you get the flapjacks out of the tin more easily as well.

Flapjack recipe

200g butter or marg
100g soft brown sugar
200g golden syrup
500g jumbo oats

Set your oven to Gas Mark 5

Line your baking tin with baking parchment.

• Gently melt the butter/marg in a saucepan, until it has melted. Add the sugar and golden syrup, keeping the heat low, stirring all the time.
• If you let it bubble it may start to crystallise, which you don't want.
• Once everything in the pan is melted and mixed up nicely stir in the oats, until the liquid coats the oats evenly. Stir the oat mixture up well, so that the oats soak up the liquid.
• put the sticky oat mixture into the tin, spreading it evenly to the edges and tamping it down.
• Cook for 20-30 minutes, until the surface of the mixture is slightly golden.
• Take out of the over and allow to cool.
• When flapjacks are tepid, cut into squares, using a sharp knife. If you cut from the outside edge into the middle, it'll be a cleaner cut.

Don't eat too much at once, becuase you might get tummy ache. Or, live dangerously, and eat it all at once. Or as much as you like. It's your life, your stomach. They're pretty good flapjacks.

If you fancy it you can add nuts and/or dried fruit. Up to 150g in weight should do it.